VIEWPOINTS

Yahkee gives Lessons on Graciousness
Richard Carter | For the Wichitan

When the Boston Red Sox recently received their championship rings, it was reported that Yankee shortstop Derek Jeter stood on the top of the dugout steps and applauded.
Some would call that sportsmanship.
But I think it’s more than that. What Jeter displayed, considering his extraordinary character and the historical arch rivalry of the two teams, was graciousness. Sportsmanship merely means that you act outwardly nice despite what you think of the other team or player.
Graciousness means that you act with true class, respect and consideration of another person’s achievement or good deed.
Too often, people feel diminished by the successes of others. Graciousness is being able to overcome this feeling. Sure, Jeter would have loved to win the World Series, but he also respected how the Red Sox pulled together to play well.
In addition, the Sox victory was good for both teams, as well as baseball as a whole, because the series drew a lot of positive attention to the sport.
The point is that we should appreciate other people’s accomplishments, especially when these achievements make all of us a little better off.
 It’s a shame that everyday life seems to be so winner-take-all and loser-gets-nothing. So many people are in it for themselves, and winning means everything and comes at all costs.
In this winner-take-all environment, gracious acts are about as rare as a Yankee player applauding the Red Sox.
How many political campaigns, for example, are run with class? Sure, the loser makes a pleasant concession speech, and the winner will talk about pulling together, but that empty rhetoric hardly masks or excuses some pretty ungodly smears.
Sports, politics and life are hardly war, so why do people treat them as such?
Democrats and Republicans are hardly enemies. These people are our brothers and sisters, our neighbors, our fellow countrymen.  How about a clean campaign based on what politicians plan to do and how? And then after the election, he or she works with the other party.
Nowadays, it’s more about winning at all costs, grandstanding about it and then feeding large on the spoils. Yes, competition is part of life. There are only so many people who can have power and make the big dollars.
Graciousness is about respecting other people’s wishes and desires, so long as those other people aren’t trying to walk over our own. Graciousness is not about walking over people left and right to get what you want. It’s about working within the system and making it a little better, in some way, for everyone.
Universities and businesses should be like that, as well. Wouldn’t it be nice for some of the grandstanders to recognize how their actions come to poison good organizations? Alas, there are far too many George Steinbrenners (who have no one to answer to) and not nearly enough Derek Jeters and Joe Torres. 
 Someday, more of the Yankees might applaud in honor of the next World Series champions. We know Torre and Jeter are gracious people, and they show it.
On the other hand…

Editor offers Wise Advice to Needy People
Camron Rushin | Editor-In-Chief

I found a copy of “Seventeen” in my bathroom and went straight to the advice column to see what kind of drivel they’ve dealt out this time.  If any major magazine editors happen to be reading this, I want them to know I’m very workable. So anyway, here are the questions.
Q. My crush and I were in class waiting to get our books. We saw my sister, and he said, "Your sister's hot." Well, she is. But I'm so mad and sad. What can I do to make him notice me, not my sister?
A. I feel your pain. Every girl I’ve ever liked has returned the favor by liking someone else. So what I did was put a curse on the people they liked, and something bad would happen to them. In fact, two guys have already been killed. So, I suggest you kill your sister.  Without her around, he can’t help but notice you.
Q. How can I get my parents to trust me? I have a grade-point average higher than 4.0, and I never do anything bad. If I've never done anything really wrong, why do they seem to be angry with me for every little mistake I make?
A. This is interesting. You say you never do anything bad, but then you say they get angry with every mistake you make. I think you need to clarify what you mean by these mistakes. Did you set the house on fire, or did you just forget to brush your teeth? What you should probably try to do is quit lying to your parents. Maybe you have some kind of compulsive disorder. I recommend seeing a psychiatrist.
Q.The girls I hang out with are kind of "bad." Everyone thinks they're mean people. Should I ditch them? They are preventing me from making other friends, but aren’t doing it intentionally.
A. Here we go again with vague information. Are they bad as in skanky or bad as in beating people up?  I can’t read your mind, so I need a little more description.  Anyway, this all depends on how much fun you want to have.  Only bad girls have any fun.  But, of course, many people don’t see syphilis as fun.
Q. My parents have been divorced since I was 7. My dad recently asked me how I'd feel if he got married to his girlfriend. I like her and her son, but I don't think I could get used to being part of a real family. Please help.
A. Quit being a whiny little brat and let your dad be happy.  You’re just selfish and you want him and his money all to yourself.  The world doesn’t revolve around you, missy.  So just get over it.
Q. My boyfriend and I got into a fight and he hasn’t called me since.  I’m afraid to call him because I don’t want to get angry again. What should I do?
A. First of all, I need to know what the fight was about. If it was your fault, you should call and apologize. If it was his fault and he hasn’t called to apologize, you should probably break his face. If this happens all the time, it probably means he doesn’t love you and you shouldn’t be together.
Q. I worry too much about what other people think of me. How do I break free of this and just do whatever the hell I wanna do? How do I stop caring about what others think of me?
A. Read Jennifer Tavlian’s column. Join the “real world” and get depressed like the rest of us.
Q.  How can I tell whether my boyfriend really likes me or is just using me for sex?
A. If you can’t tell the difference, you probably shouldn’t be having sex with him. Ninety-nine percent of guys would have sex with a goat if they could find one. So, if he’s in the first percentile, consider yourself lucky.
Q. I need some help with this guy at school. I have liked him since high school, and we are going to the same college. My friends keep telling me that he is looking at me in class. I am not sure what to do. I don't want to go and lose this chance with him, but then again I don't want to go and find out that he really never liked me and make a complete fool of myself.
A. First of all, you need to find out how the guy is looking at you. If he gazes at you longingly, he probably has some sort of crush on you or he’s painted his eyelids to make it look likes he’s awake in class. If he looks at you in disgust, that probably means you’re a gross slob and you need to clean the mustard off your face. I’m thinking it’s the latter, because if you’re in college and still writing into “Seventeen,” you’re probably not the coolest chick on campus.

Student Made Major Changes due to Depression Diagnosis
Jennifer Tavlian | Sports Editor

I never used to be like this.
I was at Wal-Mart the other day, the epitome of evil and necessity, when I turned down an aisle to find the item I needed blocked by a woman and her cart. What I needed was behind the woman, who was hemming and hawing over items on the shelf.
I smiled and told the lady I needed to grab just one quick thing behind her.
The woman, whose collection of muumuus no doubt outnumbered the teeth left in her head, sneered and said the item I needed could wait.
The old me would have left, red faced and embarrassed to have bothered someone.
The old me would have hated the 2005 version.
I reached around the woman and said sarcastically that she must not have understood me, turned and walked away.
What happened to me?  When did I become such a verbal vertebrate?
The truth is, I think it happened shortly after my sophomore year in high school when I was diagnosed with clinical depression.
Anyone who knows me knows I’m an open book. Depression isn’t something I’m ashamed of. It’s just not something that comes up in everyday conversation.
Nothing really triggered the depression; it’s just one of those things in life that happens.
It takes time to say something like that and to accept something life-altering. Back in high school, I never would have said that. Do I still think it’s unfair that I have depression? Of course. But so many others are in the same position, whether or not they realize it.
Depression comes in many forms. Some people are depressed for a few months while some are shackled with the chains for life. According to an article on
www.mental-health-matters.com, almost 20 percent of Americans have depression, and many of them don’t know it. They just think they can’t win, and that insomnia, chronic fatigue and hopelessness are just facts of life.
There are many myths about depression. People without depression go through life feeling happiness, sadness, joy and grief. Depression is not sadness. It’s the lack of any strong emotion. You go through life not experiencing, but merely existing and going through the motions.
It’s as much a part of me as my auburn hair and green eyes. Do I wish I had a different eye or hair color some days? Who doesn’t? It’s the same with depression. Like any other disease, it’s something I didn’t ask for. Nobody wakes up one day and decides they want cancer.
Depression is my cancer. It affects the mind, spirit and heart.
It has also affected my memory. As hard as I try, I can’t remember being normal or happy. It’s like I had Life Part A pre-diagnosis, and now I’m living Life Part B. I can recall having good times as a kid playing basketball, camping with my family and going to the mall with friends. I’m sure these made me happy, though I’ll never be able to tell for sure.
Not too long ago, my mom commented that I used to be like she is now. We don’t care what others think or say about us. She said I’m too young to be this nonchalant. Being depressed changes your priorities. You have to be happy with yourself first and foremost.
Despite the conditions the revelation of not caring what others think came from, I learned a valuable lesson. It was the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I wish everyone could figure it out.
Ah, the freedom! I love people (except housecoat-clad witches at Wal-Mart), and I can find something interesting about most everyone.
But if they don’t like me in return, that’s fine. I don’t set out to make a new friend each day.
My freshman year of high school, I was a little prep. I wore skirts and khakis, the whole bit. I would wake up early and plan out my outfit right down to the earrings.
That was eight years ago, when I cared.
This isn’t by any means a pity column. I don’t feel sorry for myself, and neither should anyone else. I also don’t want to hand out the cliché “if you are depressed or know someone who is, get help” spiel. But do know that even the person you least expect to be depressed may be, and she might not be ashamed to get help or let you know.


Former Classmate's Poor Fate Reveals Big Holes in System
Nicole Ford | Opinion Editor

I ran into an old schoolmate recently during an afternoon trip to Wal-Mart.
I was there for toothpaste and DVDs. He was there because he had nothing else to do.
He began to fill me in on what he’d been doing since high school. It seems his days consist of playing video games and wandering around Wal-Mart.
As he told me this, I remembered who he’d been when I first met him – a sixth-grade kid, big for his age, who was sweet and shy and funny.
Now, he’s a full-grown man in desperate need of a shower, a shave and clean clothes.
As we talked, I couldn’t help but think that he deserved more out of life.
He told me that he’d tried college, and, after failing his classes, had quit. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t find a job.
What hurt him on the job market was not his lack of a college education so much as his complete lack of skills.
The boy I remembered had never been good at school. Despite his hard work and effort, he barely managed to pass his classes. He was never destined for college.
The school system that was supposed to prepare him for life fell miserably short of its goal.
Instead of arming him with a skill he could use or a trade he could learn, the schools were “preparing” him for the next – in their minds – logical step: college.
But not all people are made for college. They don’t have the desire or the abilities to get a degree.
Some are destined to flip burgers for fast-food chain stores. Others will clean up streets by hauling away trash every day.
Some will stock shelves at places like Wal-Mart. Others will help homeowners get rid of pesky critters.
Which is okay.
Instead of learning calculus, these people can be taught to turn a wrench and can become mechanics, plumbers or construction workers.
Instead of analyzing literature, they can learn how to install cable or maintain roads.
There’s nothing wrong with good, honest work.
What would happen if there were no sanitation workers to take the garbage away?
What would mechanically ignorant people do without the car repairman?
Who would repair the backed-up toilet if there were no plumbers?
What would happen if there was no one to staff that fast food restaurant, stock those empty shelves, or drive the trucks that supply the stores with things like food, soap and clothes?
These jobs that keep our world operating smoothly and efficiently don’t necessarily require a college education.
They require skills and training, which is something we can, and should, provide to those willing to do this work.  
Higher education is a wonderful thing for those who want it, and every person who truly wants to learn should be able to go to college.
But there are many people who don’t want it, or can’t handle it, and they should have a way to make a decent living.
Instead of telling kids the only way to go is college, maybe schools should be teaching kids a trade or craft.
My old classmate had it drummed into him that college was the only way to success, and, lacking that, he could never have a decent life.
He was never good at school, so he gave up on college, and, ultimately, on himself.
No one should ever have to feel that kind of hopelessness.
It’s possible that he’s just lazy – that he failed school because he didn’t apply himself, or that he can’t find a job because he hasn’t looked hard enough.
It’s also possible that if the school system had taught him how to use a tool, he could be doing something with his life besides wandering around Wal-Mart in tattered clothes.