The Wichitan - Midwestern State University, Wichita Falls Texas

MIDWESTERN STATE UNIVERSITY | February, 9, 2005

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Letters Source of fun for Eccentric Staff
Jason Kimbro | Staff Reporter

Disclaimer: Warning! The following was written by Jason Alvie Kimbro. If you have any knowledge of this man, you will understand that this is all the information that we need to give. Now sit back and enjoy your FREE copy of The Wichitan.
Dear persons who write the letters to the editors:
Quit wasting our time. I know you have the right to complain, and I know that you think you know everything since you are either attending classes at Midwestern State University, working for Midwestern State University, or stolen valuable goods such as a FREE copy of The Wichitan from someone who is one of the previous statuses, but we really do not care.
Your articles, I mean letters, are more of a joke to us and to be honest, they aren’t very good jokes. Well, except for all the ones complaining about how Paige Dickerson is too controversial. I know what ya mean, though. She really does go off the deep end.
We here at The Wichitan put in long hours that sometimes include hard work and sweat, along with the blood of our sacrificial goats to bring you the highest quality of newspaper every single week. EVERY SINGLE WEEK! How many papers do you know can accomplish that!
We put aside our differences to work together in a room that is only half the size of a McCullough-Trigg bedroom. This may not sound like much, but believe me, there are some awful differences to contend with amidst the newspaper staff.
For instance, did you know that Abigail Carter likes to listen to Michael Jackson while taking a bath? How do I know this? Because she bathes in cauldron of toner and Herbal Essences every Tuesday night while the copy editors are earnestly working their hardest on eating pizza!
Also, did you know that Jennifer Tavlian keeps a shrine to Jason Palmer in her back pocket? Yes! An entire shrine! Of course, it only consists of a napkin with the words: “Palmer,” “Jason” and “sucks” written in black ink in no particular order.
I haven’t even told you about the evil deeds of Ya Rei and Camron. If I were to reveal any more, I am sure to be mauled by a pack of ravenous panda bears! Them darn people over at Battison!
Oh well, I’ll take the risk. Ya Rei likes to photograph animals while naked, without their consent! As for Camron, let’s just say that his idea of a good time involves Strawberry Hill and American Commercial College.
Then there’s this guy, Jason Kimbro. He likes to dance around in his sister’s underwear and sing Prince songs in a very conspicuous spot in hopes that someone walks in on him, just so he can act embarrassed. Crazy freak!
So ya see, it is tough for us to be able to put up with such insanity and debauchery.
Another addition I would like to contribute to my running out of ideas and steam is the fact that people actually complain that we don’t give away free advertising to people on campus.
I have heard the groans of many a’ moron asking questions like: “Can I sell my urine on The Wichitan for free?” Of course, we never could tell if he wanted to sell their tinkle for zilch or if they wanted a free ad. We just assumed the latter and had them expelled from the university with our combined omnipotence.
This is the part of my column where I fulfill my mandated community service by the liberals of our university: George Bush likes the taste of mothballs.
I do love this campus though. And you really got to love a town where the most liberal section of the city is one of the most conservative college campuses this side of the Dead Sea. You all have great and viable complaints! NOT!
To complain about the things you complain about, well, would be like me complaining about the things that you complain about.
Seriously folks, keep sending us those lovely letters to the editors. I really don’t care myself, for I am not an editor. I especially love the way they have to put up with the complaints about me! I mean, that is what America is all about, right? Complaining about each other behind their back! At least that is what I learned in high school.
And they say all you really need to know you’ve learned in Kindergarten. HA! I learned about whining and complaining AFTER kindergarten! That and vasocongestion. Sayonara!

Carson Fan Celebrates Life of Late Comedian
Abigail Carter | Managing Editor

Who inspires you? An iconic figure in television and comedy and inspiration to us all passed away recently. Johnny Carson died Jan. 23 at his home in Malibu, Calif. of emphysema. He was 79.
Carson hosted The Tonight Show on NBC late night TV for thirty years, from 1962 to 1992. He played characters like the “great Carsoni,” a magician, and “Carnac the Magnificent,” a bad psychic, on his show. He was a poised and gracious host with an easy sense of humor. I remember when I was a child watching him. If something went wrong with production, like an errant boom mic or mistaken camera angle, Johnny took it in stride. His wit was such that he played off these moments coolly, usually rewarded with audience laughter. Carson’s last episode aired on May 22, 1992. Fifty million people tuned in.
There are no words to describe the impact this man made on us. His was a household name; even those who were small children when Carson retired can, today, recognize his name. It’s not due to extensive media coverage, because he lived a reclusive life that was rarely caught on camera. It was his spirit and his style.
As a kid, Carson was my newsman. He told me what was going on in the world. With age, I grew to appreciate him even more, as I grew closer to the age demographic of the show’s typical viewers. Still, I was only 12 when Johnny retired. I remember the impact it made. The debate over who would replace him ended with Leno taking the reins of the Tonight Show and Letterman leaving for CBS, where he has been for the past 12 years. It led to Conan O’Brien replacing Letterman as the host of Late Night, and now, Leno’s future successor as host of The Tonight Show.
“Here’s Johnny!!!” is a phrase that brings back many memories. It’s in “The Shining,” for God’s sake, and has been mimicked on “The Simpsons” and who knows how many other shows. Most television talk shows format their shows based on the original Tonight Show’s production. Carson set a standard that all other hosts have since tried to achieve and failed.
Carson’s sidekick, Ed McMahon, was a chuckling yes-man who has been comedic fodder for years. Most true late night fans have seen the SNL skit featuring Phil Hartman as Ed McMahon and his booming “Ha, Ha, Ha! Yes!! You are correct, sir!!”
The coolest thing about Johnny and the very few others like him is that he was fun. More importantly, he was funny. And he did it first. He was fun when no one else was. He made those ten minutes of tidbit news funny when everyone else droned on, depressingly solemn. He came into our homes five nights a week for thirty years. He was there when I took my first steps and lost my first teeth. Johnny made you feel as if you knew him. He came across like the kind of guy you could just talk to-not pretentious or self-obsessed like so many other television personalities.
He was a groundbreaker. Carson paved the way for Letterman’s Stupid Pet Tricks, Conan’s coked-out werewolf and vomiting Kermit, Leno’s Jaywalking, and Kimmel’s Cousin Sal skits. He pushed boundaries. For a segment with an animal expert and her showcase of animals, Carson requested she bring an elephant, which he quite calmly helped her lead into the studio during show time. A small furry creature peed on his head and he laughed it off.
After his death, most late night show hosts paid tribute to him in some way, as did many broadcasters, talk show hosts, and other public personalities. Conan seemed to tear up and Letterman reminisced about years gone by.
I don’t know as much about the late, great Johnny Carson as most of my elders and betters do. He was a big part of the first half of my life. Any potential new genius he could have created is lost. He was, and is, a great man and his death is leaves an empty place among the best comedians, but the gods of comedy have gained a brother. He will be immortal in history.

Staff Editorial
Let Residents have Alcohol in Dorms

Certain people get special privileges, and the MSU housing situation is no exception.
According to the Sunwatcher Residence Handbook, in order for alcohol to be consumed in apartments, all tenants of said apartment must be at least the legal drinking age of 21 years old.
By that same logic, residents of Marchman, who live in private rooms and don‘t have to worry about underage roommates, should be allowed to have alcohol in their rooms, but aren’t.
The same goes for residents of Bridwell Court.
Legal-aged occupants don’t even have the option to lock the door of their own rooms to keep under-aged roommates away from their alcohol.
If a 21-year-old lived in an off-campus apartment they would be allowed to drink, regardless of how old their roommates are.
According to Director of Housing Reddick, Sunwatcher Village was built for upperclassmen as a kind of reward for moving through the ranks of housing.
Marchman residents don’t deserve a reward?
They’re also upperclassmen, and approximately one-half of the building is of legal drinking age. Some of these dorm dwellers have opted to stay where they are instead of paying more to move across the street to the new housing.
Reddick said while the subject of allowing alcohol in Marchman has never been brought to his attention, this particular dorm is the only building where rules could be changed, but he’s not looking to change these rules any time soon.
Also, not all of Sunwatcher’s tenants are upperclassmen, so many students of age cannot drink because they have under-aged roommates.
The Residence Handbook states that alcohol can’t be consumed, served or possessed in Killingsworth, Pierce, Trigg, Marchman, Honors House or the Biology
House.
This problem plagued Georgetown University in Washington, D.C. Inhabitants of on-campus dorms weren’t allowed to drink, but a recent meeting with the vice president of student affairs took out the old and brought in several new rules. There, 21-year-old students were allowed to drink in front of their younger roommates, but the punishment for alcohol-related offenses were made more strict making students act more responsible.
Students of drinking age should be able to drink. The rules need to be changed to allow 21-year-old students their right.
Reddick said that even though a student is occasionally caught sneaking an alcoholic beverage or two into the dorms, compared to other universities, MSU doesn’t have a real drinking problem.
A solution to the unjust rules is not being offered.
Since Housing officials seem to be preoccupied, it’s up to the students to get do draw attention to this issue. Start a petition to protect your age-given right to drink responsibly.

Letter to the Editor

In response to the staff editorial in the February 2nd “The Wichitan”, I wonder where some of the information came from. Such as, “One argument for the recreation center is that students are becoming fat.” I am a senator and sat through all of the presentations that were given by the Recreation Center Committee. I never once heard anything like that said or even implied. The declining fitness of the people of America was not even a point used for the presentations. If you think that a good solution to help the students here eat healthier is to remove the junk food from the vending machines, then perhaps you should have someone present that idea to the Student Government, as I see that as being an entirely different subject from the recreation center.
You ask in the editorial if MSU can handle more students and say that one of our best recruiting tools is our size. I think that this university has much potential for more growth and I think that as we grow, the more recognized this university will be to employers.
Yes, MSU does already have some of the amenities that the proposed center will offer. But, it is difficult at best to use some of these areas as the classes and athletics both have priority to these places over the student body. At those times that the student is able to use these facilities, they are usually so crowded that it is hard to do what you want to accomplish.
If the proposed recreation center passes, we will not just be paying for something we already have. In your entire editorial, you failed to mention the new Vinson Health Center that will be built, as well as the addition of a second physician.
Sure, most of the current students will no longer be here when these facilities will open, but something of this magnitude cannot be built in a single night or semester even. The reason that the proposal states that it will cost up to $130 per semester is because contractors can’t even place bids on the price of it until the student body approves the referendum.
I believe that the recreation center is a long overdue project, but it’s not up to me, it is in the hands of the student body. I hope every student takes the time to vote on the recreation center referendum, whether they are for or against this proposal.