Biker looks forward to Warmer Weather
Nicole Ford | Opinion Editor

Cold days and colder nights, a nasty wind that cuts through layers of clothing and the possibility of ice and snow are all parts of that wonderful time of the year called winter. 
As a southerner, winter in and of itself is a foreign concept.  In a region that enjoys summers that peak at over 100 degrees, the relatively mild temperature of 40 is downright freezing cold.  And, though some may laugh, I’m much more comfortable sweating than shivering.
Of course, there is another perfectly valid reason that I think the winter season should be contained the week of Christmas.
40 degrees is much, much colder when going 50 miles per hour on a motorcycle. 
Bikers gear up for this season every year in one of two ways.  They either pack up the bikes and content themselves with their cars and warm heaters, or they break out their heavy winter riding gear. Neither way is an absolute right or wrong, it just depends on the person. 
The more solid, down-to-earth people will usually call it quits during the winter season.  They have nothing to prove to anyone and the prospect of their noses turning into icicles naturally urges them to take their cars with those wonderful heaters.
The ones who choose to ride in winter weather are generally the more insane of the bunch.  Dressed for riding, they usually resemble the abominable snowman, swathed from head to foot as they are in layers and layers of clothing.
A dozen layers and the best of riding suits can only do so much against the cold temperatures.  Which, of course, leads many die-hard riders to extremes. 
New gizmos and gadgets are always being invented, and some rather handy ones have been produced for the bikers who don’t want to put their wheels up for months and don’t wish to freeze on the way to work.
Some of these little inventions include electric gloves, jacket liners, and even pants.  The clothing comes with a wire harness that attaches to the motorcycle battery, and produces plenty of heat for even the coldest days.
But that only addresses one of the problems of winter.  Ice and snow are enough to put off even the most dedicated of bikers, if they have any amount of common sense.  A skid on ice is a lot more dangerous, and painful, on two wheels.
Many cities like to lay out gravel on the nights that threaten icy conditions to help keep the roads somewhat manageable for four wheels.  Unfortunately, this stuff stays on the roadways long after the ice has melted and is just as dangerous to bikers as the ice was. 
The only solution to those problems are caution and attention on the part of the rider. 
Sadly, winter can’t be cancelled or skipped.  And though bikers would like to, migrating further south for the winter isn’t a practical option. 
Fortunately, this is Texas, and as I’ve heard one person phrase it “if you don’t like the weather, stick around.  It’ll change in two hours.”  Those tantalizing glimpses of spring in the dead of winter are usually enough to keep bikers from going stark raving mad from the unfortunate effects of riding withdrawal.
 
 
Cornball student evaluates the characters in his life
Jason Kimbro | Staff Reporter

Well, here we are.  Another year, another semester, another chance to say the things we want to say to the people who annoy the hell out of us, yet we are either too kind, too shy, or just too mean to tell them to leave us alone the right way.
Life seems to throw us balls.  No, not the balls you get in baseball, but more like the balls that always seem to be in the way.  You know which balls I am talking about don’t ya?  If not, let me explain.
First, we have the screwballs.  These are the ones screw with your life without you even knowing it.  They think they are one of your best friends and will call you and call you no matter how many times you ignore them and refuse to return their call.
They come in all shapes and sizes.  They could be that person who cannot drive very well and is after your roomie’s girlfriend because he was stupid enough to maltreat her to begin with, or he could be that guy who just stares at you in a weird way for no apparent reason other than that maybe he thinks you have sexy lips.  Erk!
Next, we have the oddball.  This is the overly skinny one with the annoying laugh who likes to follow you around everywhere, until he finds someone more interesting to follow around.  You intentionally lead him into the student center in hopes that he finds the creepy old man that you used to think was his father.
If none of this is matching with the annoying ones in your life, keep reading, I’m sure you’ll find a ball that suits you well.
Next, we have the bean ball.  Let me reiterate that this is not the one in baseball meant to hit the batter, but instead, it is the one who you truly find as being one of your best friends, but almost every time he or she opens their mouth, it is like a baseball upside your head.
They just have not tact in what they say because according to them “they don’t care” or they come up with silly little lies.  They are also known to spread rumors “on your behalf” that in actuality hurt you and/or your rep. 
The bean ball can be the nastiest ball of them all, which is why it receives the most attention in this column.  Ya see, the bean ball does all of this to further his or her own glory, all the while maintaining a true care for their friends, including you.
All we can really do is smile and nod for the bean ball.  Sometimes it may get in the way and it most likely will, but you just got to smile and nod, smile and nod, and smile and nod.
Enough with that bean, now onto the cornball.  I’ll admit I fit into this category.  The cornball goes to any length to be funny and “cool.”  They will say anything, depending upon current company, to get that laugh.  To the cornball, being funny is being cool.
It is the cornball that pretty much started the idea that being a nerd or being a dork is the cool thing to be.  As far as I can tell, it was probably a cornball that invented the use of the word “cool” in such a context.  Well, that or the jazz industry.  Yeah, maybe it was jazz.
Next, we venture into the world of the fuzz ball.  Now there are two different kinds of fuzz balls.  You got the ones that are more associated with the term “fuzz” and seem to be collected pieces of fuzz or lint from everybody else. 
These people seem to not have any identity of their own.  They may have had one at some point, but it probably resembled another kind of ball and decided that their balls weren’t enough.  Balls.
The other kind of fuzz ball is associated with the term “fuzz” being a slang term for the police.  This kind of fuzz ball really does not have much of an identity either, other than to be dominated by any authority figure, thus becoming their limey and snitch.
Now onto the cheese ball.  Many would try to categorize me into this genre of balls, but that simply is not true.  I am corny, not cheesy, thank you very much.  A cheese ball sounds like the script to a bad Hollywood B-movie of any genre.
In the romantic field of their life, they say cheesy lines like “your hair is a rainbow leading to a pot of gold” and writes poetry that is way out of meter for the sake of rhyme.  I am sure you can see the pattern here.
There are many more balls out there, but I feel these are the main ones.  The thing is we got to let some of these people know what kind of balls they truly are.  In other words, we need a swift kick to the balls.
So the next time a ball is slapping you on the chin, take a hold of that ball and give it a good squeeze.  Maybe if you squeeze hard enough, it will not be a ball anymore.  Maybe more like an ovary, but we’ll discuss those at a later time.


Student fees shouldnʼt be used for new Multicultural Center
Wayne Shields | For the Wichitan

In the Nov. 10, 2004 edition of The Wichitan, the front-page headline read: "Board passes proposed tuition increase." The article went on to say that the increase will be one of the largest in Midwestern State University history and Regent Munir Lalani was quoted as saying, "We need to raise tuition as a last resort."
However, another front-page headline (which was also above the fold) read: "Multicultural center tops SGA agenda." The proposed Multicultural Information Center’s budget, which will include a new office, will come out of student’s fees, i.e., cause tuition rates to increase. Last resort, huh?
According to the article, proponents claim the center "should increase the number of minority and African-American students on campus" and, of course, "encourage diversity." There was no mention as to exactly how a Multicultural Information Center would do this. Apparently, simply having a center with the word "Multicultural" in its name will suffice.
Because I believe student fees should not be used to fund such a project, I would like to at least reduce the student costs of such a center by offering my services, pro bono, by becoming the director of the MIC.
As director of the Multicultural Information Center, I would respect alternative viewpoints on campus, including, but not limited to, the right of every student to express his Conservative values without fear of retribution or condemnation. If a professor were to mock such views, that professor will be required to attend "sensitivity training" in an attempt to teach them about the First Amendment rights of students that lean to the right politically. A second offense will result in that professor being charged with a "hate crime." After all, many Conservative students didn’t choose to be so, they were simply born that way.
In order to create a campus that best reflects society at large, and to insure that all cultures are represented equally, I will immediately institute a five-year plan that would emphasize the admission of male students over more qualified female students in an effort to even out the gender disparity at MSU. Hopefully, in five years, MSU can decrease the current 57 percent female student figure down to the more respectful 50 percent. This will allow males to feel more comfortable on campus, increase male retention rates, and attract more males to our beautiful campus.
To facilitate this aspect of my agenda, I will work to institute a "Men’s Studies" program that brings awareness of men’s struggles against the feminist dogma so prevalent in higher education. As you know, men on campus who are designated as "heterosexual" have been told that their innate attraction to females, and subsequent actions to affirm said attraction, may result in a claim of sexual harassment or even rape. To combat this jihad against testosterone, a "Safe Zone" will be created on campus which will allow males to escape feminist terrorism and get the love, support, and understanding that they need to fulfill their educational potential.
As director, I would also encourage the university as a whole to expedite the hiring of Conservative professors, especially in the humanities and social services departments. A recent national survey of more than 1,000 academics shows that Democratic professors outnumber Republicans by as much as seven to one in these areas. Studies conducted by Liberal think-tanks show that students tend to learn more when they feel "connected" to the professor, i.e. "He/She is one of us." I suspect that current Liberal professors, in the name of diversity, will voluntarily vacate their tenured positions to achieve this most noble of goals.
The proper use of language is not only vital to securing the culture from which it originates, it is also vital in fostering a healthy and respectful discourse. It is for this latter reason that I, as director, will encourage faculty and students alike to refrain from labeling students with injurious slander. For example, the terms "racist," "homophobe," and "sexist" will no longer be used to describe a Conservative that’s winning a debate against a Liberal. Instead, these terms will only be allowed when discussing individuals who, with empirical evidence to back it up, have shown actual tendencies in this regard. More importantly, the accused will be allowed a forum in which to confront their accusers.
My most ambitious goal, ironically, is to eliminate the term "Multiculturalism" altogether. If America is to once regain the vision of a true "melting pot," all effort should be made to help students assimilate to the values of Western Civilization. Since the term "Multiculturalism" is Marxist code for the elimination of Western ideals, the term "American Inclusionism" will replace the current and divisive term. The belief being that if all cultures are indeed equal, then there is no need to change the American culture.
"American Inclusionism" accomplishes two important goals: It celebrates the most successful society in the history of the world (that would be the USA’s for those of you who have posters of Noam Chomsky and Michael Moore in your dorm room) and invites foreign students of all ethnic and racial backgrounds to incorporate the best aspects of their own culture into the American one; hence, "American Inclusionism."
To orient satirically challenged students to the MIC, a seminar will be offered to facilitate student awareness of what the center will offer. Conservatives are also invited to attend.
Thank you for considering my charitable offer. In the love of diversity, I’m sure that you already have.

Sincerely,

 W. Wayne Schields